Sometimes we go through hard stuff. Sometimes it is only somewhat hard and doesn’t last long other times it is terribly hard and lasts a good long time. Like the difference between a sprinkle and a major thunderstorm with lightening, thunder, wind and hail. One of those storms at sea where the pirates tie themselves to the ships mast or risk being tossed over board.
Of course no one wants to go through the big storms but it is just part of life. The price we pay for all of the amazing sun shiny days we enjoy in this life is having to weather the storms now and then.
Here is the thing though, that whole dancing in the rain thing. Yeah, sometimes that works but sometimes it doesn’t. If you are weathering out a major storm it isn’t any help to try to push yourself to be happy and think positive. Sometimes you just have to sit down and let the storm take over. Get the candles ready in case the power goes out and just ride it out.
I’ve been told many times that I have handled this breast cancer thing with courage and laughter and a couple of people have said that I’m an inspiration. At first, comments like that made me feel like I couldn’t have a melt down. Like I would be letting people down if I had a bad day.
But, let me tell you, I have sat in that storm and cried my eyes out. I’ve been afraid my roof would fly off or my little house would slide off its place on the hill. And I’m OK with that. There have been days during the breast cancer storm where I just stayed in bed because that was the safest place to be. And that’s OK too.
I quickly gave up feeling bad because I couldn’t be a ray of sunshine every day.
Sometimes it storms. It just does. And there is nothing you can do about it.
Sometimes the sky opens and the rain comes down in buckets. Sometimes the storm causes the basement to flood or it tears off half of your favorite apple tree (both have happened here).
But there is no way I’m going to stand in the storm and say, “Hey, let’s go out and dance in the rain,” while the hail is pounding the ground and the half dead tree in the front yard threatens to come crashing through the roof at any minute.
Sometimes it storms. Let it.
It doesn’t make me less courageous or make my positive attitude fly off to the next county with the trash can lid permanently because I sat in the storm. It doesn’t make me any less brave, any less of a survivor. What it does is help me face my fear, the uncertainty of what I’m dealing with and face the storm head on. It helps me process the craziness of the storm that is wrecking havoc in my world.
Do you understand what I’m saying?
I’m saying sometimes you feel sad. And it’s OK.
While it is hard to sit with a friend who is feeling sad and dealing with their own storm, it won’t help them if you constantly telling them to “think positive” or “it will be all right”.
I’m saying that we should all stop telling ourselves (and our friends and families) that we shouldn’t feel what we feel or that what we’re FEELING is wrong. Bring some candles and sit the storm out with your friend. She will love you always for it.
I’m saying sometimes it storms, and it sucks and that’s OK.
Feel what you feel, process the information, grieve, work it out. And only then should you pop open that umbrella and head outside.
I’m saying that the sun will come out again.
And you will enjoy jumping in the mud puddles when it does.
PS. If the storm lasts too long or you find yourself hiding under the bed unable to come out again be sure to find someone who can help you cope. Some storms are just too big to handle alone. And THAT is OK too.