One thing I have learned during this healing process is that you can’t do all of the things you usually do and make any kind of real progress in the healing department. You can’t heal whole generations and your own life-time trauma when you are running 90 miles an hour and doing ALL OF THE THINGS.

It makes me think of babies. Babies will learn to say a few words but then get less talkative as they learn to crawl. They master crawling and then their vocabulary picks back up. We are the same when it comes to healing. We have to let some things in our outer world go for a time while we work on the internal stuff.

While I was hunkered down healing I didn’t have much energy for lots of things I had done in my past life. I pretty much quit cooking there for a while. Forget weaving, spinning, stitching, and all of the rest. It took too much energy just to figure out what to wear each day.

I know you know what I’m talking about.

I did end up painting most of the rooms in the little duplex I rented because I couldn’t stand the dirty, marked up walls. I’ve painted several rooms in this new house too – because a neon green office simply can’t be tolerated.

But there is a difference between covering up ugly intolerable walls and CREATING. Right?

One project I worked on was one of those diamond dot paintings someone sent me. It was tedious, not at all creative, and super time consuming. I think it’s a good 11×14 inch piece. It took HOURS. But it was hours that I was doing something with my hands while my brain turned things over and over. While my heart mended and my spirit rested. No serious thought involved. No decisions to make. Nothing to design. Just pick up the dot and put it on the surface. Over and over again.

The creative fire wasn’t completely out but it sure was close.

Now though, I feel the urge to create coming back. I have started to cook a little and to bake now and then. I even took an eco dying class this past weekend – I posted a couple of photos in my weekly posting on Instagram. I painted the kitchen and I’ve started gardening again. It’s a small start but when you work 40-50 hours a week it doesn’t leave much time. And that’s OK too. It’s a start.

I have promised myself that my creativity is MINE now. It’s not for profit, it’s not for page views, it’s not for a manufacturer – just me. I’ve set a goal to take 1 creative class a month if I can swing it money and schedule wise. August was a dying class and October I think will be a visible mending class. I haven’t found anything for September yet but I’m still looking.

I’m thankful for that diamond dot Buddha and the hours of healing that it provided. I’m pretty sure I won’t do another one but I am thankful for THIS one.

What do you work on when you need to keep your hands busy so your mind can work? Have you tried one of those diamond dot things? What did you think of it?