Thank you to all of you who took a moment to comment on my last (first?) blog post. It was so wonderful to come back and see some of the friends I have made over the years and to read your messages.

Someone recently asked me where I’ve been and what have I been up to since they hadn’t seen me in a while. My reply was, “I’ve been on a healing journey.”

And oh, what a journey it has been! Here is a rather wordy synopsis:

In the summer of 2019 the life I knew went up in flames. I brought some fuel and someone else brought some matches and we ended up setting the whole damn thing ablaze. I was terrified of the fire and what it meant, but also knew in my heart that it was necessary.

I also knew that I needed to take the time to be still and quiet in order to heal and rebuild but I had never been alone, still, and quiet in my whole life. Then the pandemic and lock down came along to seal the deal and make sure there were VERY few distractions. The universe has a way of seeing that we get what we really need – ready or not.

I left 95% of my old life behind. Sold house and property, left the flailing craft industry and uncertain income to start a new corporate job where I could have a steady paycheck, health insurance, and the ability to save for retirement. It was a total 180. I rented half of a small duplex for a year while the pandemic raged and my corporate job became a work from home job. I tried to sort out where my life had gone so wrong and what I needed and wanted so I could make it right. I did my shadow work. I cut some people from my life entirely and put others at arms’ length. The circle of friends and family who stuck with me was small but they kept me afloat during times I thought I’d drown in sorrow and fear.

I hiked and walked. A lot. I slept and rested. A lot. I got a puppy. I practiced meditation and yoga, and used ritual to soothe doubt, fear and anxiety. I read a TON of self help and went to therapy. I stopped doing things I didn’t love. I stopped doing things that I had been doing to try to earn love and affection. I stopped doing things that I thought I was “supposed to” that did not bring me joy.

I started going to a small ladies-only gym when Covid cases weren’t in the red. I went on my first solo vacation and even though it was hot as Hades it was the best vacation I think I’ve ever had. I bought a little house just before prices EXPLODED and I became a grandmother three times over.

While my life it not perfect I can honestly say that I’m happier than I have ever been. I feel whole, peaceful, and calm. I know that more healing moments will come because healing isn’t linear but I also know I can get myself through it. I know hard times will come but I also know that I am loved and supported – and I don’t have to fight for that love and support. It’s just there. I know that I have my own back. I won’t give in, sell out, or give up on me ever again.

And now it is time to rebuild.