I had some energy yesterday. Not so much today.
That’s the way it goes these days. I’m down into the single digits when it comes to radiation treatments and my energy comes and goes.
Mostly though, it goes.
I’ve had a hard time dealing with my lack of energy. I’m not used to being down for so long. I expected to keep going strong right through treatment. When people told me how tired I would get I imagined they were talking about someone else. Certainly not me.
Thanksgiving this year was kind of a potluck affair rather than me cooking for a solid two days. It was OK but not what I’m used to.
Christmas is going to be different too. While I’ll be finished with treatment I will likely still be pretty tired so we are scaling back.
Usually I decorate every square inch of our house for the holidays.
My tree is up but there are very few decorations on it. I ran out of energy about half way though. And it might just stay that way.
I get it in my mind that things won’t be what I’m used to this year and I begin to make peace with it then I get on line and see so many beautiful home tours, craft projects and gifts to make that it has me itching to get back to work.
Sometimes I get up and get a little something done but other times I take a little nap.
I keep telling myself that this is only temporary and that I’ll get my super woman powers back again soon.
Meanwhile, I curl up on the sofa with my pup and we dream up projects to start as soon as I’m feeling better.
Nothing is quite what I expected but learning to let go and take care of myself has been a good lesson for me.
This blog, my house and my wonderful readers will still be here when I get back. And the bonus is that I’ll be full of new ideas and anxious to get back to creating when I do feel better.
Sometimes you just have to let go of expectations and embrace self care and healing. Ya know?
Helpful tip: I created this blank calendar to keep track of my radiation treatments and I put a star on it after each one to help me see my progress. I think I’m going to take it in the last week of treatment and let my radiation team sign it. It will be nice to look at down the road when I need to remember how strong I can be.
Ruth Dec. 9th 2014
So pleased you are doing so well. Keep up the good work and we all look forward
to your coming back to us.
Thank you for all of the love and support Ruth. It means the world to me. 🙂
It’s really difficult to realize one just can’t do the fun stuff, or even what normally gets done and not be tremendously frustrated. My letting go was realizing my body was fighting hard to heal and I set my recovery back denying that fact in an attempt to soldier on. It sounds like you’ve learned that hard lesson and are trying to practice being good to yourself. It sucks being inactive and feeling trapped and guilty because of the” I should be doing yadayada” when, no, you shouldn’t. Day by day, little by little, you’ll start to feel better, and I’m sure you will be left with a feeling of great accomplishment and pride you’ve made it through a truly big challenge. You’ll look at time and life in a very different way, as I now do. I believe you’re doing great, Vicki! Keep the good work of caring for yourself!
It’s a tough lesson to learn Kris. Especially for women, I think.
I just tell myself that this will help me to appreciate good health all the more. Hopefully it will lead to me taking better care of myself in all sorts of ways. 🙂
You near the finish line! Yay!
Yay Susie!! Finally. 🙂
Hang in there! I have a friend who traveled your path two years ago and I remember well how she talked about the tiredness that would take over. She said the hardest part was learning to let go of all the “must do” thinking and just focusing on taking care of herself, resting, and allowing the healing to begin. So today, I’m sending healing thoughts and good wishes your way on the wings of a prayer.
Yes, Charmaine, it’s that “must do” mentality that is tripping me up. But I’m getting better at ignoring it when I need to rest. 🙂