I’ve been wanting to start writing again for some time now but I get caught up in my head – going in circles with “what if” and “how” and “where” kinds of thoughts. Wanting to act but paralyzed.

I don’t want to have to worry about key words, being a “well known” writer (or even a good enough writer), followers, likes, and such things. It feels so superficial and it’s a metric that just doesn’t matter to me. I just want to write and get some of the thinks out of my head.

But then reality pokes its’ nose in.

Where to write? Do I keep adding to this little corner of the world even though my life, work, and outlook on the world has changed significantly from when I first started it back in something like 2005? Or do I go elsewhere and start fresh?

Substack seems to be the place a lot of writers have gone but I’m certain they don’t understand that Substack supports/pays Nazis. Or maybe they do and just don’t care. Also, they take 10% of any subscriber money you make. That’s not for me, I’d rather give that 10% to organizations fighting Nazis. There’s Patreon but I never was comfortable in front of a camera and I don’t have much to offer at this time other than my random thinks. So, I don’t know about that one. Maybe at some point?

Promotion? I left 99% of social media after the election. I mean, I knew it was bad, and bad for me, (not to mention bad for my budget!) but I just couldn’t stomach it any more after the election. I check in now and then but I’m not up for giving ugly humans any more of my time or money. And I mean that not as ugly looking but ugly acting. So the idea of NEEDING to promote myself on those platforms gives me the ick.

Anyway, I’ve been struggling the past few months. (And maybe you have too?) The climate – actual, political, collective – we’ve had a REAL winter here in NE Ohio for the first time in a few years that has been dark, snowy and bitter COLD, and just life in general. It’s been hard to find glimmers, hope, joy, something to look forward to – no matter how small.

I was just sitting here this morning with my coffee, watching sporadic snowflakes fall outside my window and I remembered something. Back in the day, when I worked for the craft industry, and started this blog to share my creative work, I wasn’t doing anything amazing, earth shattering, or innovative. BUT, it gave me something to look forward to – writing, creating, answering your comments and emails, trying to decide what I was going to make, write, or do next.

I looked at my little world differently then. Setting up a little vignette for a photo, seeing a ray of sunshine that would make an excellent spot for stitching, a trip to a thrift store or craft store made my brain explode with creative ideas. I looked forward to the next creative endeavor, the current project being completed, sharing a thought or a recipe with you.

Then life changed. I got a J.O.B. as a corporate cog and started spending 8+ hours in front of a computer screen, make that THREE computer screens, and I just couldn’t stand the thought of sitting in front of my personal computer to write. Not to mention that this job sucks the life out of a person. I’m thankful for it, but it’s HARD. There are so many tiny details to deal with, and hundreds of decisions that affect quality of life for people – and I have to follow the “rules” and do what the big company says and not what my big heart would do. But I’ve gotten to a place where I handle that a bit better. It’s still hard, and soul sucking, but I try to help folks where I can and that makes it a teeny tiny bit more bearable. And that gives me a bit of my soul back.

Then something happened last fall. My desire to create started to wake from her years long slumber. I finished up some projects that had been sitting around (see photo) and didn’t go away even though I’ve moved house twice. Then I moved on to a quilt as you go project I saw on YouTube here. It is still in progress but maybe I’ll share that next? I was surprised at how much I loved the process of this quilt. It’s been probably 30 years since I made a quilt but I loved this slow, meditative, hand stitching so much. And then I got this bright idea that I want to make each of my grandchildren a quilt and I was off. I’ve probably got 5 different projects in various stages going on here. It is glorious!

It give me hope, something to look forward to, and something for my hands to do when my heart and mind are bogged down by the cruelty of the world we are living in right now.

Out of my head and into my hands.

My ADHD brain goes 10,000 miles a minute – even when I’m asleep I think. I have a big heart and I just want people to have what I have – it’s not much but I have food, shelter, healthcare, friends, and income. Which, in the end, is a lot. I want to share some thoughts, some how-to, some hope, and my take on the world. It won’t be much but it’ll be ME. No clowning for money, power, or popularity. I hope you’ll stick around. I’d like this to be a spot where we can gather virtually, with a cup of tea, and together create little glimmers of hope and loving community.

Feel free to leave your own thinks in the comments. I look forward to hearing from you.

PS. I just cleaned up my subscriber list and deleted over 1,000 email addresses of people who rarely open them, and quite a few bots and scammers but if you know someone who might want to read my randomness, feel free to share. Thank you.