I’ve thought many times about how I would start this. I know I’ll edit this over and over and still feel like I don’t have it “right”. But I want to start writing again. I almost feel like I NEED to start writing again. I feel like I’m being guided in this direction and that it is time.

So here we are.

It’s been three years since I’ve written. But more like 8 years since something happened that made me feel… not myself. Like I wasn’t living in my own mind, my own body, my own life, or even in a safe space any more. I won’t get into it now (maybe later?) but it was an event that really changed how I felt about my life and about myself. Then I got cancer, then a hundred other big and small things happened and I stopped writing. I couldn’t even begin to imagine writing about what was really going on around me, let alone what was going on inside me. And not being able to show up here fully made it less enjoyable. I slowly but surely quit writing. And while I know I’m not a great writer it is something I have always enjoyed and I treasured the connections I made here. So it was a big deal for me to stop.

Things got dark. Real dark. I didn’t even want to exist there for a bit. I was completely and utterly broken. Finally, being a person who doesn’t know when to quit has paid off.

So here I am. Here we are. I have done a lot of work – there’s an understatement for you. Therapy – both physical and mental, yoga, meditation, healing, journaling, sleeping, walking, crying, reaching back, reaching out, and sitting in the dark. Alone. You have to FEEL those feelings, the hurt, the pain, if you want to heal it. And that’s hard stuff. It takes a long time. I’m still not finished, maybe I never will be, but I have made some good progress.

Anyway, I won’t ramble on forever. I just wanted to say, “Hi, I’m back.” I can’t wait to catch up with some of my old friends here. Is anyone still here? Tell me how you are doing. What’s been happening in your life? I’ve missed you all.