My version of the little red sports car
I don’t like the phrase “midlife crisis”. I’m not in CRISIS. But I am in a something – right smack, dab, in the middle of it – whatever I want to call it.
I’ve been doing tons of reading the past few days on women’s midlife crisis. Apparently women do it differently than men. Well, duh!
(And yes, I know I’m generalizing).
The classic male midlife crisis has him dumping his wife, dating women 20+ years younger than him. Oh yeah, and lets not forget the sports car! Men have a crisis that relates to TIME. As in, feeling that they are running out of time. They want to live it up for what time they have left. Time has passed so quickly. Etcetera.
Generally, that is.
Women tend to have more of an emotional, IDENTITY kind of midlife crisis. Who am I now that my kids are grown? What do I really want out of life? How do I want to live? I’ve given my life to everyone but myself – now what? How can I feel more fulfilled?
Generally, that is.
The part that really kind of sucks though is that on average a midlife crises can last 2-3 years.
YEARS!
Here is what my timeline has looked like so far.
- Mother-in-law died
- Husband lost job
- Husband started his own business
- Husband found out he had a wee spot of cancer
- I found a lump and had surgery
- I found out I had breast cancer and had another surgery
- He had major surgery and while caring for him I had a major infection
- I began radiation
- I finished radiation
- My mother got Acute Myeloid Leukemia – she died, came back, was in ICU 4 times before getting to remission
- I “divorced” my only sibling
- My youngest graduated college and moved 1007 miles away
- My next youngest got married & I became a grandmother (Abuelita) at the same time
- I celebrated my 50th birthday
- A close friend died of breast cancer (just two days ago). I lost a sister warrior, someone who was fighting along side me, and it’s broken me.
All of that in just TWO YEARS!! It’s no wonder I am sitting in the middle of a midlife crisis.
Yay me for making it this far! Ya know?
Now what?
I don’t know. I’ve come to a place where I can admit where I am but I haven’t figured out quite how to get past it yet. But I’m working on it.
Here is what I do know.
This Crisis Is NOT
This is not about replacing my husband
This is not about becoming an entirely new person – though there are things I want to change
This is not about running away – I want to get THROUGH this, not around it.
This is not about complaining – it’s about seeking happiness & joy
This is not about having an affair, eating or shopping to fill an emotional void
This Crisis IS ABOUT
This is about discovering my talents and passions learning new things and having fun while doing it
This is about allowing myself to be the person I think I was meant to be
This is about running towards my goals ,and yes, even my fears
This is about learning to fill the void by giving myself permission to quest for my passions
This is about using my voice to tell MY story
So far I’ve
- Taken up kayaking
- Gotten two tattoos
- Planted a straw bale garden
- Taken a Spanish class
- Put blue and purple strips in my hair
- Finished my local hiking spree
- Made new friends
- Taken up weaving
I’m not sure what will come next but I’m going to just keep moving ahead. Just know that if you are feeling like you may be experiencing your own midlife crisis you are not alone.
We can get through this together.
Thank you, Ladies!
You’ve had a lot on your plate. Menopause and health issues both affect women in the same way, imho. We become HONEST about what we need and want, what works and doesn’t, and how best to take care of us for a change. You go, girlfriend.
Hi Deborah,
You are right, I think we tend to go through this kind of thing a couple or three times if we are the kind of women who stop to think about things.
Sometimes I wish I weren’t such a deep thinker! 🙂
xoxo V
wow….this is a normal getting into the 50’s stage 🙂 I am here…and trying to figure it out as well.
Welcome to the 50’s Tammy! 🙂
You go girl! I had a similar period of Eighteen months of hell – lost mom, dad and father-in-law and three girlfriends during that time and was diagnosed with multiple autoimmune disorders. I completely changed my perspective on life and decided I wasn’t afraid to die, I was afraid to not live!
Oh, Deb, that sounds horrible. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
I hope you are living a big, bold life now. Our time here is so short.
Bright Blessings! Vicki
Go get ’em, Vicki! How about pictures of the hair? I need inspiration (and pictures to show my husband that it will all work out fine when I do it!).
You’ve been through a boatload of crap. Your reaction is one of the healthiest I’ve ever heard of. So keep going and keep writing about it. We want to come along on the journey!
A million hugs!
To me my midlife crisis is nothing more than a “reboot”. Work, children, home kept me from loves developed when young. Today, I’m returning to my love of art and music, while continuing my love of gardening and crafting. Along the way I discovered animal rescue, which I’m really good at. Using my business skills to start a nut farm. And then from decades of surviving divorce, single parenthood, moving from one state to the next, and working for start up companies prepared me for the survival skills needed to endure chronic disease in my later years.
Again, its like a “reboot”… *LOL*
This is one of the most inspiring things I ‘ve read in awhile. You laid it all out there. We’ve all had shitty things happen in our lives — to our friends, families and selves. It’s part of the journey. Instead of being stopped in your tracks for any length of time, you’ve taken the bull by the horns and are embracing and welcoming your life. Something, at times, I forget to do. Thanks for the reminder and blessings to you. Thank you.
I appreciate your shared feelings, thoughts and plans for getting through this stage of your life in a healthy way. I can sure identify with many of your feelings and it always helps to know you’re not alone.
I agree Pam.
Knowing I have “sisters” who deal with the same kinds of things in their lives helps me get through.
Pain is something we can all relate to one way or another.
Let’s just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
♥ V
Had a few challenges in recent years with loved ones illness and loss of others. I can get the blues about what “isn’t anymore”. Logic tells me it will naturally be more frequent now that at 25 but my heart just says pain, sadness and “I hate change”. Gotta print this one and hang it up. Another A++ post. oxo
Hi Mandy,
I’m glad you found this post helpful. I find that knowing that I’m not alone helps TONS.
There are certain things we have to deal with that are just the price of having this wonderful life. Saying goodbye is hard but it helps to remember all of the reasons you loved that person.
At least that is helping me today. ♥
xoxo V
You are not alone. I think sometimes that I am at an end-of-life crisis, and other days I think I have 30 years left to go. Perhaps it is a 2/3 life crisis?
All we can do is not give up and live each day to its fullest.
Hi Gail,
I think that these types of crisis points come to those of us who think and feel deeply.
You are right, just keep going and live life to the fullest.
Party on! 🙂
What an authentic, brave, and insightful reflection! This passage in live is like entering a tunnel. You can sit in the dark and wonder what to do next (which certainly isn’t what you’re about!). You can run as fast as you can to get through it without having a real experience of life (again, not the O’Dell way) Or, as you are demonstrating there is a much healthier way. You are present, authentic, and aware as you move through. Stopping only at short times to reflect and assess and then moving on. Again… your journey inspires me!
Hi Carol,
Thanks for sharing your view of this. I love it! It’s certainly not the easiest way to get through but I hope I’m becoming a better person by doing it this way.
Just about time to be moving forward again. Can’t stop and reflect too long! 🙂
XOXO V