Do you name the inanimate objects you own?

I do.

My car is Bernice.

My GPS is Rhoda. I think it’s hysterical, and yes, I’m easily amused.

My little house is Hank. My youngest son says it feels like a Hank. A gruff old man who needs a little fixing up. Ha!

My robotic vacuum is Alfred. I read that the most popular name for robot vacuums is Rosie and that makes perfect sense for those of us who grew up watching The Jetsons. Also, that whole sub-reddit made me feel way less weird about my propensity to name inanimate objects.

For Christmas a couple of years ago my son gave me a heavy blanket that was perfect for frigid NE Ohio winters. Then a while later the NYT had an article about Tony Danza, and it showed images of his apartment. In one of the photos there was the exact blanket on the foot of a bed. That blanket is now known as, yep you guessed it, Tony Danza. I spend cold winter evenings cozied up with Tony Danza and Tansy (my dog).

Then there are large groups of things like trees. I just call them all “Sister”. I have a feeling that big old Sycamore in front of my house has an actual name, something ancient and magical, that I probably couldn’t pronounce. So they are all Sister. There are just too many to give names to – too many for me to remember anyway.

Same with my houseplants. I do tend to call all of the houseplants something like Happy or Joy – just because that’s how I feel when I tend them. But each one doesn’t have its’ own name. Even my imagination, not to mention my memory, has its’ limits.

Sometimes I seek to name an object and other times the thing seems to tell me its’ name. Like Bernice. I remember sitting in the drivers’ seat one sunny one day thinking she needed a name and then Bernice popped into my head. Several months later I re-watched the movie Hope Floats. I had forgotten all about that being the little girls’ name. But it stuck and now I drive around with Bernice and she’s a very good car.

I saw a meme AGES ago that said that said the Japanese have a tradition of tsukumogami – naming inanimate objects. It explained that this naming of objects helps people take better care of their things. Turns out there is a bit more to it but I do like the general idea. I mean, there is only so much info you can put on a meme, right?

It makes perfect sense to me. If I take the time and energy to give an object a name, imbue it with a bit of a personality, and create an emotional bond – like cranky old Hank (when he throws a tantrum and I have to spend money to fix something) I feel like I’m more apt to take better care. Also, I think it’s harder to just throw things out when they are named. I like to think naming keeps them out of the landfill and helps me be a better steward of the planet. I buy less, I toss out less. I repair and mend instead.

Take Perkins, the coffee maker as an example. He’s a 10 cup maker that takes up way too much space on the counter and he has a thermal carafe. I’d never drink 10 cups of coffee in a day, and I take my 2 cups of coffee away to be consumed immediately. I did buy a smaller one, with a glass carafe, but I can’t just throw Perkins out. I could give him to a good home but I couldn’t just toss Perkins in the trash or donate him. Don’t get me started on what a rip-off charity thrift shops have become the past few years. I’d never do that to Perkins. But it may be time to find him a good home. Otherwise he’s just wasting away in a dark cupboard.

Are you someone who names inanimate objects? Do they seem to have personalities? I’d love to hear what you’ve named your favorite objects and why in the comments.